Your child could be the school bully

By Angela Ndagano

TO most parents, the word bullying often conjures up an image of a schoolyard scene, with a big, intimidating student towering over their small, helpless child. They never imagine the possibility of their child bullying someone else’s child.

Research by the US department of Health and Human Services shows that child-bullies are at risk of becoming involved in other anti-social behaviours like truancy, drugs, vandalism and stealing property.

Why Children Become Bullies
Florence Tumwebaze, a counsellor, believes bullying is as a result of family orientation.

“If children are experiencing violence at home, they are likely to become bullies,” she explains, adding that children who are dominated by older siblings are more likely to become bullies.

Research also shows that parents who do not set limits, are inconsistent with discipline and do not take interest in their children, groom bullies.

Some children end up becoming bullies because they want to fit in with peers. James Wasswa confesses: “Each time I bullied someone, my friends said I was a real a man.”

Tumwebaze says students like Wasswa have problems with their self-esteem: “Bullying others makes them feel better about themselves.”
Brenda, a former bully, attributes her character to being disadvantaged at home because she was an only girl. “My parents used to give better treatment to my brothers and they always used every chance to hit me,” Brenda says. She confesses that hitting the smaller children would help her release her anger against her brothers.

Kallebi, the headteacher of Kyabazinga College Kamuli, agrees with Mpiima. “Since they cannot revenge on the senior students who beat them, they wait for the little ones in S.1,” he says. He adds that there should be no accommodation for bullies. “Schools should be tough on bullies. There are rules against it, and should you be caught, it is definite expulsion,” Kaleebi says.

Jessica Sanyu, the headteacher of Our Lady Consolata, Kireka, says if bullies existed in her school, she would expel them.

Signs that your child is a bully

The child is against discipline and does not want to be corrected. The child is quick to blame others and does not accept responsibilities for their actions. A child’s physical appearance can give you a clue. Bullies have a tendency of being shabby; they do not comb their hair. They try to create an image which will intimidate other children Bullies have immature social and interpersonal skills. They are not as jolly others and they tend to isolate themselves from their peers. They lack empathy, compassion and understanding for others feelings. They put their needs before others needs. Help your child stop bullying Confirm that your child’s behaviour is bullying and not a result of disability. Sometimes children with disabilities bully others. Besides, children who lack certain social skills or with specific behavioural disorders can be mistaken for bullies. Talk with your child and find out why s/he is bullying others. You might explore how your child is feeling about his or herself. Probably he or she is being bullied. Find out if your child’s friends are bullies. Help your child appreciate how others feel when they are bullied. Let your child know that everyone has feelings. You can take turns by playing the part of the child who does the bullying and the one who is being bullied. This will help your child understand what it is like to be in the other person’s shoes. Let your child know that bullying is not okay under any circumstances. Provide clear, consistent consequences of bullying. Help your child learn different ways to resolve conflict and deal with feelings like anger, insecurity or frustration. Teach and reward appropriate behaviour. Teach by example.